The cheapest bastard you know

Theres this story. Its about this computer whiz kid that comes up with an ingenious plan to get rich. He steals one cent from every bank account he can get his hands on, and becomes a millionaire in no time. Obviously, nobody would notice one cent disappearing from their bank accounts right? An even if they do, who's gonna make a fuss about one cent? So this kid got off Scot free. Well almost. Apparently somebody did notice that one cent was missing from his account. That somebody kicked up a fuss which eventually led to this kid being caught. You almost feel sorry for the kid. Its just one cent. C'mon. What kind of person would make that big a deal about one cent?

That somebody was Indian.

The point here is that, sometimes one cant help the fact that somethings are simply in the genes. So its not all him really. Blame it Indian genes.

She called him the "cheapest bastard she knows". It wasn't an angry outburst, more like a matter-of-fact statement followed by the kind of laughter that comes after you've heard the silliest thing in the world. Which of course prompted some soul-searching. You never know where you can find loose change.

So here are the facts, he'll be as objective as he can about it, and you can draw your own conclusions from it.

His financial situation: He hasn't had an allowance since he was 14. That means no source of income whatsoever, other than the generosity of relatives(which is in a steady decline) during special occasions. Plus he doesn't have a job. Plus he pays for his own credit and petrol. So that simply means one has to cut back on expenditure. And as the cash reserves start to drain, it is natural for one to be a little more penny wise, prudent, economical a.k.a. being the cheapest bastard that you know.

1) He always looks for free parking. Even if it means doing a little walking.

C'mon, a couple of miles never killed anyone. He treats every dollar like its his last. Would you spend you last dollar on parking?

2) He switches cars when petrol is low, and whenever possible he'll only take the car whose petrol has already been pumped and paid for by someone else.

He pays for his own petrol. Nuff said.

3) He doesn't buy clothes if its coming out of his own pocket.

Theres always free T-shirts.

4) He goes to bookshops to read books. Never to buy.

It costs money.

5) He never wants anyone to get him a gift of any sort. Because then he wont feel obligated to get you one either.

Buying something to be given away for free is a hard concept to wrap one's head around.

6) He never offers to pay for a meal. But when he does offer, he's clever enough not to argue when the other person naturally insists that they split the bill, or if he's lucky, the other person offers to pay.

Well. He did offer.

7) He gets a haircut only twice a year.

(refer to number 4)

8) He never called the girl that was the closest thing that he had to a girlfriend.

She was Maxis. He was Digi. It was never going to work out.

9) He once told a girl who was crying and clearly distraught to stop sms-ing him because replying was getting expensive.

(Refer to number 8) Plus he suggested that they IM-ed. Its free.

10) He's never had a girlfriend.

(refer to number 4)


So you see, he is simply a victim of his circumstances. Dont hold it against him. Its just a matter of survival. However, if you ever notice one cent missing anywhere, pretend you didn't see anything.