Anyone who’s tried will tell you it wasn’t easy. Motivation may get you started, but even habit sometimes wont keep you going. He never really expected it to turn out like this. 4 years, 4 blogs, and, uh, alot of posts later here we are, the fourth year anniversary of he’s existence in the blogospere.
4 whole years.
4 whole years of detailed documentation of him, and you guys keep coming back. You guys really are awesome. You stuck with him through all those moments of his life. The times when he was at a lost for words-
‘As he was playing with his hand phone, he glimpsed a pair of gorgeous legs sprouting from 3 inch heels, he looked up to see the owner of those legs. He didn’t deserve the sight, but there it was, in all her glory, fitted into a tight, tiny black, glittery dress. She flashed him a smile, he looked on stupefied. Time grounded to a halt, his heart skipped a beat(maybe more), white noise filled his brain, it was as though the very spirit of every male that ever acknowledged the highest form aesthetic beauty that is the female culminated in this very moment, this blip in the fabric of time through all eternity. With such a burden on Albert’s back to express this into a sentence that includes adjectives and superlatives that was due to the God sent creature in front him, what does he say?
"I..I…you..you…look….WHOA!!!" ’
Or the times he really had nothing to write about-
"Ever had one of those moments when you just know you had this brilliant idea, but when its time for you to recall that idea, you just cant remember it? Well it happens to him all the time. So many brilliant, funny ideas for blogposts that never came into being for the lack of the convenience of a laptop and an Internet connection. Now that he has that, and a whole lot of time on top of it, he simply has nothing to write about. All those ideas, funny scenarios, witty one liners, quotable quotes, solutions to world peace, the global energy crisis, and clever puns all gone to waste. So heres the next best thing. PICTURES! "
Or the times he left you on the edge of your seat with his career choices
" So hes been going around telling people that he got a scholarship to do Marine Engineering, basking in the admiration that usually comes when you get a scholarship from a big corporate company like MISC(for added effect just say Petronas, since it is a subsidiary of it anyway).......There you go. Such adventure on the high seas! Boring? Not when every dull moment has to pass through the anticipation of storms, engine failure, pirate attacks, people falling of ships etc etc. Whats the most exciting thing that a guy with a desk job will ever experience? A paper jam?"
" He has finally found it. After sifting through numerous jobs(waiter, Starbucks barrister, call centre operator, data entry, civil service) he has finally found his dream job. This was what he was meant to do. Teaching English."
" Or, or, (brace yourself) he could be an underwear model. "
Or the times he dished out relationship advice-
"You like a boy. Now what?
Its unfortunate, but you have to admit, it does happen. This is usually the first step to feelings of insecurity, jealousy, heartache, confusion, detachment from the living world etc etc. And of course, if you make it past all that, then theres the the world's leading cause of divorce: marriage. Which is followed by the burden of childbearing and constantly comforting yourself that it cant possibly get any worse than this. Optimism will only take you so far. You may be programmed to believe that all of this is worth it, but its really all a lie mothers tell their daughters to ensure the process of procreation continues despite how much it sucks. So basically, dont like that boy(generalization of which he is an exception to). But if you do anyway, considering most of the time its not a choice, and even if it was, alot of you girls would chose to do it anyway, there are certain things that you shouldnt do, so that, at least it sucks a little less."
Or when he justified his cheapness-
"6) He never offers to pay for a meal. But when he does offer, he's clever enough not to argue when the other person naturally insists that they split the bill, or if he's lucky, the other person offers to pay.
Well. He did offer.
4) He goes to bookshops to read books. Never to buy.
It costs money
10) He's never had a girlfriend.
(refer to number 4)"
Or when he had girl trouble-
"Then there was a sequel to the whole Rajeshwari episode. Except it was a different girl, and was much more mature. Alot less embarrassing,"
This of course turned out to be a trilogy. With a different girl. And probably more annoying.
Or his American adventure-
"Well saying Albert arrived in the United States is very much easier said than done.
You try taking a 5 hour plane trip to Shanghai that ended up being a 12 hour one, and rushing through busy airports, clearing customs and immigration, getting on the same American airlines that crashed on 911, flying over the pacific with nothing more than movies you've already watched on your previous flight for entertainment, then rushing upon landing, clearing customs and immigration again, getting on another flight to Washington DC and moving around having the handle broken off your 20 kg luggage which you had to drag around thanks to the guys that check your luggage breaking the handle.
But yeah, he's now in the United States."
"He remembers the first day of school in Starkweather, after choosing his classes at the principle's office and a brief tour of the school, he was left to fend for his own in a sea of weird white people. He was just numb to the new surroundings, trying not to make eye contact, and acting as normal as he possibly can. Nevertheless, call it xenophobia if you want to, but all these blond, white people made him uneasy, at least until he laid eyes on
Kori Werner."
"To think that there was a nuclear missile under that station ready to be launched not too long ago injects some reality into the Cold War, but for the most part it doesn't detract from the awesomeness of BEING THERE. The cameras are still working on the site and the No Trespassing signs are still there, but even with the whole facility locked up, they are told that there is a way to get in. Of course, that possibility went unexplored, it was the more responsible thing to do anyway, considering that the USA can be a bit touchy when it comes to Weapons of Mass Destruction."
"And unbelievably, their prom dates, Iris and Julia were there too, only 2 neighbours away, apparently they were there along with 2 other girlfriends to celebrate a birthday. Strange, strange coincidence. On a Tuesday of all days. They met the girls just as they were about to go for a swim. Talk about luck."
"this was his first extreme water sport experience, prior to water tubing the closest he's got to extreme water sports would be doing the butterfly stroke"
"As you would probably realize, our adventurer in America wouldnt be embarking on much of a adventure if he were to be stuck in N Dakota. Hence the roadtrip 2359 miles(3796km) away to Anderson, Indiana"
Or when he survived a brutal -40c winter-
"The conclusion he has reached after going through what officially is one of America's coldest and worst winter: Its no more than ice. No love lost there between him and snow, and good riddance to winter, and HELLO SPRING!
Its almost as if everywhere nature is finally waking up, thousands of geese are migrating to the pond in his backyard, the streams you never knew existed is flowing by the highway, draining into the numerous bodies of water in the area. There's also ducks, eagles, prairie dogs, deer, rabbits and other animals that are starting to appear. Totally different from the iceland that it was for the past 3 months. Forget winter, Spring is THE season "
"Not that theres nothing happening, he was invited to a college to give a talk about Malaysia(Tourism Malaysia's powerpoint slides are a lifesaver), been to a casino, gone to a wildlife conservation park, had a sleepover/Halo 3 party, played in a volleyball tournament, been cross-country skiing, watched one of the best hockey teams in the USA play a thrilling, televised match in front of tens of thousands of fans LIVE, watched a lunar eclipse, and finally, to top off the 1/6th slice of his American Adventure, watched Lost season 4 before Malaysians get it on TV."
Or the times he took a dig at American politics-
"Just so you understand whats going on here, the US State department sponsors around 300 students all over the world to come to the states as exchange students, this of course, costs money. The group that decides on budgets and controls spending in the US is the Congress, they control the purse strings of the US, as well as laying down the law for Americans. Now just reflect on that statement for a little while, let the huge responsibilities of the congressman sink in. Now consider this, of the 500 men in Congress:
29 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault
71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year"
Or those times when he was being a guy-
‘in a prefect uniform, blazer and all, and boy, she looked hot in the short and tight skirt and small blouse. Its like how a nurse’s uniform becomes all sexy in a male fantasy when in fact it really isn’t, thats how she transformed the school prefect uniform into something Pn Rohaidah and Pn Chong certainly did not appreciate’
Or the times when people reacted rationally when they confused his identity with someone else-
‘Barely moments later, Albert had his shirt forcefully tugged by this Indian dude over to the passenger seat of his blue wira. Albert’s legs betrayed him as he followed the man over to the other side in bewilderment. The man was tense and slightly nervous as his eyes glanced the street and spoke to Albert in a hoarse whisper: " Get in the car, now!"
The car door was already open by now, and the man was even more tense and hurried. He repeated his words, but in a more threatening manner, and still Albert refused, hoping he could buy time until someone doing their daily jogging would just by chance come by, but strangely, no one came. But with every passing second, the Indian man could not risk being seen, and with a resolute threat, he looked dead in Albert’s eyes, slipped his hands behind his back, and announced that he had a gun.’ -ah,the wonderful people of the world.
The times he did things he wished he didn’t-
‘“Truth or Dare?” she asked. He picked dare, cause he would have lied his way out of Truth anyway. She thought for a while, but it was almost as though she already had it in her mind, it was quite a fantastic idea. Their eyes locked for a while, as everyone dropped silent. “Except me, pick someone of the opposite sex and kiss her. OH yeah, she has to be special." ‘
And the his painfully intellectual/paranoid moments-
"Its times like this that truly tests one's faith in utter coincidences, and makes one wonder about fate. Now believing in fate is the easy part. Its being sensible that's the hard part. Elementary reasoning will tell you that you are always directly or indirectly influencing what happens or will happen to you. Although, Albert will readily admit that sometimes it seems as though God has a twisted sense of humour. Like how Chelsea made it to the Final only after Jose leaves only for Roman to watch arch rivals Man Utd steal the trophy in his own backyard in Moscow. Where is the justice in that? But again, if Terry scored that penalty kick it would've been a fairytale ending. The influence of a single person changes EVERYTHING.
Case in point: had that idiot not shot the heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, there might not have been WW1, and consequently WW2 would not have happened, the Atomic bomb probably would have never have been built, and a future nuclear holocaust might just have been thwarted. Just imagine if his gun had jammed on him that day."
And being a guy again(just better worded)-
‘ “ you can lose yourself, everything, all boundaries, all time, the two bodies become soo mixed up that you don’t know who’s who or what’s what, and just when the sweet confusion soo intense you think you’re going to die, and you know you kinda do, leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That’s the miracle, you can go to heaven and come back alive, go back anytime you want with the one you love.” ‘ -With protection of course.
The incredibly optimistic times-
‘ " I open my eyes, and as I take my 1st conscious breath, I see magnificent golden rays of sunlight filtering through the naked windows. Nature’s symphony already proceeding with the chirping of birds, far away muffled barking and late insects headed back to their lairs. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee teases my already pampered senses, as I slip out of my bed in a zen-like state. I am the picture of serenity. Peace is me, and I am peace." ‘
And sometimes a little overboard with the far-fetched optimism-
‘Then their breakthrough in the international scene will come with their 2nd single, "Beat it", followed up by "Beat You Up" and the phenomenal success of the song "Beat-rice". Fame, fortune, and everything else falls in the laps of B.E.A.T.S. members. Also a chunk of musical history too. ‘
The slight dramatizations-
‘7 birds of chicken. 6 kg of mutton. 5 bags of flour. 4 family members. 3 consecutive days of shopping. 2 narrating personalities. ONE MISSION: Christmas. ‘
The transformations(some incomplete for very good reasons)-
‘Albert 2006: Normal boring prefect.
Albert 2007: Normal boring prefect + English debating zone champion + lead actor, scriptwriter, co-director of English Drama + Vocalist of a band( pending 2 upcoming gigs).’
The happy times-
‘Well, they won. Albert made his debate debut, in the Taylors debate, as 1st speaker, against St. Mary’s, and they won.’
And the sad ones-
‘So here was Albert, drowning in post-debate depression, hoping Saturday he could eat his depressed soul out at the buffet dinner, which is some sort of consolation. Of course it would be nice if he had a friend who could give him a good pat on his back and go all : “ Come, come, its alright,” but you can’t eat your friends you see. They would’t taste good anyway.’
Discussed great conflicts in his life-
‘Albert is in a dilemma. An almighty dilemma.
Well you see, he has a shirt. And the shirt has all its prints on the back. And the front is empty. Soo what does our poor protagonist do? Should he do the rightful thing and wear the shirt like he should, with the print on the back, and risk looking like an idiot wearing his shirt the wrong way?
Or, does he go against the very grains of morality and deliberately wear the shirt the wrong way, with the print on the front, so that it will seem to everyone that this bright chap here wore his shirt the right way? Although deep down inside he will know that he isn’t wearing the shirt the right way, and although it may seem like he is, he REALLY ISN’T. Plus, the collar gets itchy when you wear the shirt the wrong way. "
Yes, to you people out there, thank you so very much for supporting this blog. It couldn’t have happened without you(well actually it could but it wouldn’t be as fun).
To the 4 years of him, his opinions, and hopefully many more years of this bullshit.
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